It was almost midnight, and I found myself lying in bed, debating whether I should cancel my therapy appointment—again. I hadn’t done my therapy homework, and shame was creeping in. Part of me wondered: “Maybe I’m not ready for therapy. Maybe I should just quit.”
That thought wasn’t new. I have a habit of giving up when things get hard. It’s a pattern I know well: when the weight of expectations gets heavy, I look for an exit. Ironically, this very tendency is the reason I went back to therapy in the first place.
The Homework I Didn’t Do
My therapist had asked me to journal moments when I lived in alignment with my top five core values—Growth, Accountability, Health, Financial Stability, and Integrity—and moments when I didn’t.
I was excited at first. I even bought a beautiful journal with “Melanin” on the cover, decorated with three stunning Black women and pink-lined pages. On the very first page, I proudly wrote down my values and then… I never touched it again.
Instead, the journal sat on my yellow ottoman as a decoration, silently reminding me of the work I wasn’t doing.
Facing My Perfectionism
In therapy, I admitted what happened and together, we unpacked the why. I realized it wasn’t laziness—it was perfectionism. Perfectionists often live with all-or-nothing thinking: if we can’t do it “right,” we don’t do it at all. That’s exactly what happened to me.
When I didn’t meet my own unrealistic expectations about journaling, I felt ashamed. Rather than face that shame, I wanted to avoid it by canceling my appointment or quitting altogether.
Avoiding doesn’t erase shame, it just delays growth.
Choosing to Show Up
The turning point was that I didn’t quit. I didn’t cancel. I showed up and when I did, something powerful happened. My therapist reminded me that therapy isn’t about perfection, it’s about growth and growth often happens in the small, messy steps.
By attending, even without doing the homework, I was communicating to myself: “I am worth the time and effort.”
That reminder shifted something in me. Therapy wasn’t about earning approval or proving I could check every box. It was about learning to stay present, even when I felt imperfect.
What Therapy Is Teaching Me
The biggest benefit therapy has given me is the reminder that showing up is enough. That lesson has spilled over into other areas of my life, too. I’m learning:
- It’s okay to be imperfect. Missing a step doesn’t mean I’ve failed—it means I’m human.
- Accountability starts with honesty. By telling the truth instead of avoiding, I open the door to growth.
- Small steps matter. Change doesn’t come from doing everything flawlessly, but from choosing to keep going.
When I think back to that night I almost canceled, I’m grateful I didn’t. Because what therapy has taught me is this: growth doesn’t come from quitting when things get tough. It comes from showing up, even when you don’t feel ready.
I don’t have to do therapy perfectly. I just have to do it.
And sometimes, the most healing thing we can tell ourselves is “I showed up and that’s enough.”
Stay blessed. Remember, you are loved❤️