Not too long ago, I was scrolling through a relationship forum when I saw someone post: “Women don’t really want nice guys.” I had to laugh, because I’ve heard that line so many times. The older I get, the more I realize how damaging that mindset actually is, both for men and for the women who end up dating them. Here’s the thing: being nice is important. It matters, but it’s not enough to keep a relationship healthy or fulfilling.
I’ve dated men who were very “nice” on paper—they opened doors, sent good morning texts, remembered birthdays, but when it came down to the deeper stuff, like being vulnerable, communicating their feelings, or showing up emotionally… they weren’t there.
Here’s the question I always came back to: should I stay with someone just because he’s nice, even if he can’t be emotionally available, communicate his needs or provide a safe space for me to communicate mine? For me, the answer is no. Kindness is wonderful, but it doesn’t automatically make someone a good partner.
What often happens is that some men treat “being nice” as if it’s their golden ticket to a healthy relationship. They think kindness alone will do all the heavy lifting, and then they get frustrated when that’s not enough. That’s when you start hearing the complaints: “Women only want bad boys.” But let’s be real, women don’t want to be treated poorly. What many women are drawn to are qualities like confidence, decisiveness, and assertiveness (ie. decisiveness in leading the connection, assertiveness in saying their intentions). Unfortunately, those traits sometimes show up more often in guys labeled as “bad boys.” It’s not the mistreatment that’s attractive—it’s the self-assuredness.
Here’s the truth: being nice is the baseline. It’s the entry point. But if there’s no emotional depth, no vulnerability, no real communication, that “niceness” quickly starts to feel shallow. A strong, lasting relationship requires more. It requires showing up fully, being honest about your needs, and doing the inner work to grow as a person and grow as a couple.
So, to the men who think women don’t value nice guys—trust me, we do. However, we also want more than that. We want kindness plus confidence, kindness plus consistent communication, kindness plus emotional connection. Because niceness on its own? That’s just not enough to build a life with someone.
Stay blessed. Remember, you are loved❤️