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Tag: Relationships

What Emotional Safety Means to Me

JuliaLeave a comment

For a long time, I thought relationships were just about chemistry and compatibility. However, over the years and honestly, through a lot of trial and error I’ve learned that what really makes or breaks a relationship is something deeper: emotional safety.

Emotional safety is what allows people to show up as their true selves, to be vulnerable, and to trust that they won’t be shamed, judged, invalidated or manipulated.

When I feel emotionally safe, I can exhale. I can be myself without overthinking, without bracing for criticism, without worrying that I’ll be punished for being honest. But when I don’t feel safe? I shut down. I hide pieces of myself. I shrink. I withdrawal. I give up.

As I continue my self-healing journey, I’m learning what emotional safety means to me—the ways I’d like to receive it and the ways I hope to provide it to my future life partner.

Here are a few practices one can consider when build emotional safety:

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The Power of Simply Showing Up in Therapy

JuliaLeave a comment

It was almost midnight, and I found myself lying in bed, debating whether I should cancel my therapy appointment—again. I hadn’t done my therapy homework, and shame was creeping in. Part of me wondered: “Maybe I’m not ready for therapy. Maybe I should just quit.”

That thought wasn’t new. I have a habit of giving up when things get hard. It’s a pattern I know well: when the weight of expectations gets heavy, I look for an exit. Ironically, this very tendency is the reason I went back to therapy in the first place.

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Why Being a Nice Guy Isn’t Enough

JuliaLeave a comment

Not too long ago, I was scrolling through a relationship forum when I saw someone post: “Women don’t really want nice guys.” I had to laugh, because I’ve heard that line so many times. The older I get, the more I realize how damaging that mindset actually is, both for men and for the women who end up dating them. Here’s the thing: being nice is important. It matters, but it’s not enough to keep a relationship healthy or fulfilling.

I’ve dated men who were very “nice” on paper—they opened doors, sent good morning texts, remembered birthdays, but when it came down to the deeper stuff, like being vulnerable, communicating their feelings, or showing up emotionally… they weren’t there.

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Hello 2024!

JuliaLeave a comment

What a year 2023 has been. As I sit here and reflect on all that has happened over the past year, I give gratitude to the highest for giving me the strength to make it through. 2023 was not an easy year and came with many challenges, but above all I am thankful for the growth. This year has challenged me to step out of my comfort zone. It has brought a deep sense of humility. It has reinforced I can not control all aspects of my life because my timing may not align with Gods timing. We are never too old to challenge ourselves and learn from our experiences because growth is constant, and I find that to be a beautiful thing. I am thankful to have made it through 2023 and I am looking forward to the growth in 2024.

This year my top new year resolutions are

Forming community and nurturing my relationships 
Committing to heathy eating and my fitness journey

Remember, it’s never too late start a new goal and stay encouraged as you work toward achieving your goals for 2024.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Stay blessed. Remember, you are loved ❤️

What I Learned After Being Cheated On

JuliaLeave a comment

I have never really been the type of person who takes pleasure in dating multiple men simultaneously. I learned at an early age I was never good at it and frankly found it exhausting. It’s hard enough keeping up with the demands of one man let alone two, three or more lol. Plus, I would start to feel guilty knowing I was leading someone on. However, I learned early on not everyone viewed dating like this and witnessed the outcomes of unfaithfulness my loved ones experienced. To avoid similar experiences I ensured to date men who like myself believed in commitment and monogamy. Sadly, I later found myself falling into a statistic that our society has morphed into normality, cheating, and was cheated on. Going though that experience taught me a lot. Okay, okay yes, I could have done without the heartache, but I am thankful for my growth. The experience of being cheated on has taught me a few things which I would like to share.

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Can Men And Women Just Be Friends

Julia

Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So, you’re saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail ’em too.
Sally: What if they don’t want to have sex with you?
Harry: Doesn’t matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally: Well, I guess we’re not going to be friends then.
Harry: Guess not.

If you don’t know where the above dialect comes from I suggest you get your life. No seriously, stop reading and get your life lol. Okay, I’ll give you a pass this time, but you get the side eye. The dialect is from the movie When Harry Met Sally one of my favorites❤ and an absolute romantic comedy classic.

Anyway, Harry had an interesting. If we remove religion from the discussion, to keep it neutral for argument purposes, and take on a science perspective he makes some interesting points.

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Lost Summer Nights

Julia

He said he loves the way I taste
I arch my back and whisper “ I know”
His lips kiss my hidden lips
Ripples travel down my spine
One vertebra at a time
A familiar love of summer nights
Buried between my thighs
Brown butter glazed in coconut oil with a hint of lavender
How long can I endure this pleasure
Pure euphoria as my body loses control
Butterflies dance gracefully to the sound of my soul
I ask them to please never abandon me