Love cannot grow in the soil of codependency It wilts where validation is currency
Where attention is mistaken for affection Real love requires wholeness
Two people meeting as equals, not as halves trying to complete each other But many men have never been taught this They chase love not to share themselves, but to fill the emptiness within
Mistaking conquest for connection Approaching love like a mission Something to win, prove, or possess
The dinners, the compliments, the gestures They seem kind, but often they’re transactional in measure An unspoken bargain that says, “If I give, you’ll give back and I’ll finally feel enough.”
But love is not about what you receive, but what you offer freely without needing to be repaid
Love is generosity clothed in quiet authenticity Selfless giving, unforced and true
When a man’s worth depends on how a woman sees him, his love can never truly reach her It will always circle back to his ego… Hungry, fragile, unfulfilled
Love cannot grow in the soil of codependency It wilts where validation is currency
There’s something uniquely empowering about going out alone. Whether it’s grabbing dinner, attending a party, or showing up to a concert solo, it takes a level of confidence and self-assurance that many people don’t often tap into. But once you do, you’ll likely find that solo outings offer a kind of freedom and personal satisfaction that can’t be matched. As someone who’s attended many events alone— whether comedy clubs or local concerts—I’ve discovered that some of my most memorable experiences happened when I wasn’t worried about coordinating with others. Going out alone removes the invisible weight of having to consider someone else’s feelings or timeline. You arrive when you want, you leave when you’re ready, and there’s no need to negotiate plans. That kind of autonomy is rare…and refreshing.
“Women are bitter,” a man casually muttered at a social gathering, oblivious to the weight of his words. It’s a sentiment many women have heard too often, casually dismissed as emotionless critique. But the truth is not that women are bitter—we are exhausted. We are tired of navigating a society structured by patriarchy and poisoned by misogyny, where being a woman means constantly fighting to be seen as fully human.
Patriarchy and misogyny are not abstract academic ideas. They manifest in the way society treats women: in casual conversations, media portrayals, legal systems, and violent outcomes. The core issue isn’t bitterness. It’s survival.
Entangled in the thought of what could be, a breathtaking connection filled with a sense of familiarity.
Comfort came so easily as time spent brought an overwhelming sense of happiness, laughter, and vulnerability.
Soul connection, is this meant to be?
Confusion in intensions with no sight of peace
Soul connection, is this meant to be?
Comfort in a bond draped in unhealthy attachment fueled in fears of intimacy and past trauma. Push and pull this instability breeds exhaustion within me.
Once plagued by the loss of what could have been, is now free to accept the peace that accompanies what was not meant to be.
What a year 2023 has been. As I sit here and reflect on all that has happened over the past year, I give gratitude to the highest for giving me the strength to make it through. 2023 was not an easy year and came with many challenges, but above all I am thankful for the growth. This year has challenged me to step out of my comfort zone. It has brought a deep sense of humility. It has reinforced I can not control all aspects of my life because my timing may not align with Gods timing. We are never too old to challenge ourselves and learn from our experiences because growth is constant, and I find that to be a beautiful thing. I am thankful to have made it through 2023 and I am looking forward to the growth in 2024.
This year my top new year resolutions are
Forming community and nurturing my relationships Committing to heathy eating and my fitness journey
Remember, it’s never too late start a new goal and stay encouraged as you work toward achieving your goals for 2024.
In recent years there has been talk of the Chinese government using TikTok to spy on American citizens. When I first learned of this it further justified my reason to not partake in the social media platform. However, as more information is being released and with the recent congressional hearing between the CEO of TikTok, Shou Zi Chew, and US congress March 23, 20231 I have become less convinced this is an issue of protecting the youth and national security. During Chews opening statement he expresses how TikTok is owned by ByteDance, a private company. He expresses 60% of the company is owned by global investors, 20% owned by global employees, and 20% owned by the founder. Additionally, 3 out of the 5 board members are Americans. Interestingly, as I continued to watch clips of the hearing it became apparent that members of congress had preconceived notions of the use of TikTok and frankly it was cringing to watch congress make extreme accusations.
As I laid in bed I thought of my day. I was excited today was going to be a beautiful sunny day. My phone read 8:20am. I looked at the weather forecast which read “high of 65 degrees”. Not to hot not to cool, just the perfect temperature. The sun does something to my spirit, it ignites my soul. I figured I’d hit up a local park, lay out and study. I told myself “today will be a productive day”. Yet, I found myself struggling to get out of bed. One hour turned into three and than four. In and out of sleep I found myself drifting. “Did I take my medicine” I woke up from a slumber or was that just a dream. I looked at my phone, 12:10pm it read. Instant panic overcame me as I thought of being behind in my studies. I immediately got up out of bed.
I began my morning self-care routine, made breakfast, ate, washed the dishes and thought to myself “job well done”. Surely, I deserve a nap. “I’m just going to lay down for a bit” I lied to myself. Back into a slumber I fell. I’m not proud of it, but I spent my day off in and out of bed. I studied max about four hours, if that.
With three months left of PA school I find myself struggling to stay motivated. As I experience more days like this, I’m not sure if I’m depressed or just burnt out. I did feel quite sad today. I think it’s a combination of, once again, being in a foreign town with a population of less than 3,000 and the persistent lack of autonomy over my life. At times I feel like I’m suffocating in PA school. As I write this, just thinking about it I feel like I can’t breathe. I so desperately miss having freedom to do as I chose.
You hear of the rigorous course load and sleepless nights, but no one talks about the loss of freedom. How your months are planned out—class, clinicals, exams, research day, skills, guest lecture, etc., etc., etc. For some this is just the natural course of graduate school. For others, such as myself, this structure brings a sense of entrapment. I so desperately miss living a life of going and coming as I chose. Booking a flight and taking a trip when I wanted. Taking days off from work as needed. There is not PTO time in PA school, we don’t get days off while on clinical rotations. As I write this I wonder, “is this what life is like as a mother”. Never being able to do what you chose. Is this a selfish thought of me to have? Questions that I don’t have the answers to. I just know I hate feeling confined in any aspect of my life, it brings me much anxiety. A sense of impending doom they call it.
It doesn’t help being in these small towns that very much so trigger a feeling of loneliness. Not seeing people that look like me feels isolating, being away from my support system. Yet, I can’t do anything about it. One of my favorite quotes is from Maya Angelou
“If you don’t like something change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude”
I love this quote because it encompasses my life. I’m a believer in changing my environment if I’m unhappy. This is the reason I never stayed at jobs that made me miserable, spent years and years in unhappy relationships, living situations, etc. My mom once told me “I admire that about you Julia, you’re never afraid to leave.” She’s right. Don’t get me wrong, I have had a job I had to stay at longer than I would have liked or been in that toxic relationship I should have left months ago, but by no means are these the rule. They very much so are the exception. It’s a blessing and a curse. This is precisely why I decided on the PA profession because it provides you with the freedom to work in any specialty, in any state and even in other countries. Ironically, to bask in this freedom you must give up your freedom for a couple of years while in PA school.
I’m not sure where I’m going with this post. I just needed to get my thoughts out. Since I can’t change my environment I guess I need to work on changing my attitude.
Today was not a productive day, but tomorrow will be better.
A photo from NYE two years ago to remind myself this journey is only temporary.
Today was one of those days where I was missing my grandpa. When you lose a loved one the grief never fully goes away, but as time passes some days are better than others. Today I was missing him very much and felt quite sad.
My grandfather was such a great person and touched the lives of many. Growing up I remember knowing I always had the support of my grandfather. Whether it was my 8th grade graduation, student of the month, spring choir, or teacher’s award my grandpa always, always made it. I remember looking into a crowd and seeing my grandpa even if no one else came he always managed to make it. I didn’t have the greatest relationship with my father given he was very inconsistent in his presence, but as I got other it didn’t bother me much because I viewed my grandfather as my father. He was the one person, no matter what the situation was, I could depend on.
When I moved to live with my grandparents I was behind in reading and math. Every day after school my grandfather would sit with me at the dining room table and patiently would go over my math homework with me. He bought additional math workbooks and taught me math. My grades significantly increased the following semester. I will never forget this. This is love.
My grandfather wasn’t afraid to use the word love. He always told me he loved me, he always told his loved ones he loved them and this showed through his actions. Whenever I would ride with him somewhere he often would tell me the struggle he went through to finish medical school as a Jamaican immigrant. Even though I heard the story many times, I would still act enthusiastic when hearing it because I knew he enjoyed telling it. He valued education because of his struggle. “First attend to your studies” he would say. I would have to be the one to tell him school is not more important than him. I will always love my grandpa because of the unconditional love he showed me. I am thankful for the values he instilled in me, integrity, dependability, humility, perseverance, and love. He will always be special to me and although he is no longer with me in life, I will forever cherish the memories he has left me. I love you always and forever grandpa!❤️❤️🕊️ RIH
Hello 2023! What a time to be alive. This year is a big year for me given I will be graduating PA school. I’m still in aww when I think about it because it has been quite the long journey. While cleaning out my wallet I stumbled across this list I made in 2020 of my goals. For the longest I had this list tapped on my refrigerator so I could see it every day and be reminded of the progress I was making. It was a way to hold myself accountable. It’s crazy to think there was a time where I so badly wanted to get into PA school, and I did! Similarly, I remember the financial burden of a monthly car payment and having the goal of quickly paying it off. I am proud of myself for staying consistent in achieving these goals and with the new year it only makes sense to make new goal list. I’m still working on my list, but figure I share them here because this will force me to see them regularly to stay motivated. Some of my goals for the next 5 years include:
Paying of my braces by the end of 2023
Get straight As Spring Semester 2023
Graduate PA school with GPA ≥ 3.5
Graduate PA school and pass the PANCE!!!
Securing employment 3 months post grad
Apply for loan repayment
Starting my weight gain journey—My goal is to gain 15lbs
Purchase a condo/tiny home by end of 2024
Learn how to play an instrument
Being more intentional with dating/finding my person
Start developing business idea in 2024—Still not sure which idea I would like to explore, but I do want to start tapping into developing residual income
Start vlogging by 2024—As much as I love writing, I would also love to tap into vlogging as a different way of expressing myself and sharing my thoughts.
Anyway, I hope all are doing well. What are some of your goals for the new year? I challenge you to write down your goals. Whether they be for 2023, 5-year, 10-year, etc. Write them down so you can stay encouraged!
Rupi Kaur is an Indian-born Canadian poet who captured much attention with her first book titled “Milk and Honey” which was released November 2014. I remember friends mentioning the book to me, but I sadly did not have much time for leisure reading at the time. Anyway, fast forward three years later and lo and behold while frivolously scrolling through kindle on a beautify fall day I stumble across Rupi’s recent release titled “The Sun and Her Flowers”. The book was featured in the free download section, so I decided to give it a read. The Sun and Here Flowers is about Rupi’s journey and growth in finding love within herself. Her journey is divided into 5 chapters titled: wilting, falling, rooting, rising and blooming.
If you had asked me five years ago if abortion rights would eventually become unconstitutional, I would have answered with a strong “No”. I attended the Woman’s March on Washington six years ago and although the overall premises of the march was to advocate for policies ensuring women’s rights remained, the thought of women losing access to abortion still seemed unimaginable. Yet, six years later here we are.
When I first heard the SCOTUS had overturned Roe vs Wade, I felt a sense of hopelessness. This later turned into sadness and then anger. “How dare someone else feel they have the right to tell ME or any other woman what she must do with HER body” “Who do these WHITE men think they are.” As I sat on my bed processing my emotions I wondered if my grandmother, and the many women before her, felt similar emotions living during a pre-Roe era. A feeling of being seen, but not heard. A feeling of knowing you do not have autonomy over your body. Deciding whether or not to risk your life and birth a child was not your choice, but the choice of others and this feels me with much sadness, but above all disappointment.
Hello beautiful people! I’m semi-back from under the rock I’ve been hiding and it feels good to be back in the world lol. This past week I officially finished my didactic year of PA school!!! As I write this blogpost, I have a huge grin across my face. It feels me with such joy to know I am officially done and will now be off to seeing patients. PA school, by far, has been one of the hardest things I have done in my life. The late nights, deprived sleep, imposter syndrome and constant stress, are a few of the challenges that come with this journey. However, despite the challenge I am thankful to be here because I worked so hard to get here. I remember nights praying for this, praying for an interview, an opportunity, an acceptance, and here I am. Thank you God!!!
For those on this journey do not give up. Keep faith and continue putting in the work, you will be rewarded. Okay enough of my soapbox lol.
Anyway I wanted to share a few of my memories. #survivingandthriving #blessed
This past weekend I went ziplining! It was somewhat spur of the moment. A friend mentioned they were going for their birthday, and I decided to tag along. I’m glad I did because I had a lot of fun and talk about a great way to start my summer vacation. I got to meet some cool people and see the beautiful view of the forest. As someone who struggles with anxiety, I am constantly worrying about the future or stressing over past mishaps. However, I am learning to live in the present moment. This experience reminded me of this. Anyway, I’m glad I got to cross something off my bucket list and can’t wait for my next adventure!
Braids, curls, straight why are you all in my space All in my space when you haven’t even asked me my name All in my space, I pull away confusion clouds your face Curiosity you claim, I see Given my 3C texture isn’t seen often in mainstream Objectification of our bodies throughout history Beginning with the enslavement of my African ancestries Are what fuels your entitlement mentality “it’s just hair” you utter disregarding my request But permission you were not granted Now I am asking you politely Next time I might not take your action so lightly And you can save all that “angry black woman” bullshit perpetuated by society Please DON’T touch my hair!
I made this list over 8 years when my views of relationships and marriage were quite different. My views since have changed and are constantly changing, but these songs will be dedicated to my husband and a must at my wedding!💕✨
Last week was my 30th birthday and prior to my birthday I was filled with a mix of emotions. The day before my birthday ended with me sending out a mass text to my closes friends that read :
PSA please refrain from all #dirty30, #30 or anything else that’s not #twentyFine if I post anything on social medial tomorrow. I’m not ready to accept the fact I’ll be 30 (sad face emoji) so please don’t mention it to the world. Thank you (smiley face emoji).
Talk about struggling with accepting the fact. Anyway, a week later and I’m doing much better 🙂 30 isn’t so bad after all lol. No, but for real I am ready for the blessings my 30s will bring as well as the challenges. I went though a lot in my 20s, from losing my grandfather, watching my mother become homeless after losing her house, struggling financially, to having a health scare. But with all the challenges I faced in my 20s, I had many blessings, such as graduating from undergrad. I remember it like yesterday, checking my final grade to the one summer class I was taking, Spanish. I didn’t think I was going to pass. When I saw that passing grade, I stared crying. I remember I called my mom to tell her and was crying on the phone lol. In my 20s I graduated from graduate school, developed a spiritual relationship with Christ, witnessed the birth of my niece, moved to a new state, bought my first “non-bucket” car, and traveled out of the country. My 20s were truly a period of growth and I feel I am equipped to take on the challenges my 30s will bring, but above all I am ready to embrace all the blessings! But before closing this chapter, here are a few things I would tell my 20 something self as I reflect.
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her. Sally: So, you’re saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive? Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail ’em too. Sally: What if they don’t want to have sex with you? Harry: Doesn’t matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story. Sally: Well, I guess we’re not going to be friends then. Harry: Guess not.
If you don’t know where the above dialect comes from I suggest you get your life. No seriously, stop reading and get your life lol. Okay, I’ll give you a pass this time, but you get the side eye. The dialect is from the movie When Harry Met Sally one of my favorites❤ and an absolute romantic comedy classic.
Anyway, Harry had an interesting. If we remove religion from the discussion, to keep it neutral for argument purposes, and take on a science perspective he makes some interesting points.
He said he loves the way I taste I arch my back and whisper “ I know” His lips kiss my hidden lips Ripples travel down my spine One vertebra at a time A familiar love of summer nights Buried between my thighs Brown butter glazed in coconut oil with a hint of lavender How long can I endure this pleasure Pure euphoria as my body loses control Butterflies dance gracefully to the sound of my soul I ask them to please never abandon me
I have never been a person to believe in soulmates. To be frank, I find the idea of “the one” to be very limiting. You mean to tell me there is only ONE person that’s THE person? The concept eliminates the luxury of options, instead leaving you with one option –ONE soulmate. Talk about stressful! Plus, a sista has always been a bit cynical regarding soulmates because I have experienced men thinking I was “the one” and none of those relationships worked out.
It’s as if believing you should have this euphoric undeniable bond with a person could be self-destructive when the relationship encounters problems.
However, I recently had a conversation with a friend who I shall call Matt. Matt had a pretty different view on what a soulmate was. His outlook was this:
Your soulmate is the person you choose to fight for, regardless of the tough times the relationship encounters, opposed to giving up. In contrast, non soulmates give up on the relationship. Even if at some point non soulmates did fight for their relationship, the end result would be them calling it quits. Hence, indicating they weren’t soulmates.
Last month I had the pleasure of traveling to New Orleans for the Essence Festival for an annual girls’ trip. This was my second time traveling to NOLA and I was once again remined why I absolutely love the city. From the vibrant music that touches your soul to the colorful architecture NOLA is a city that radiates an irresistible energy and I find this captivating given the adversity the city has endured.
My weekend began with me pulling up to a magenta duplex coated in Christmas lights showcasing “Welcome to New Orleans”. After a seven-hour drive, I was beyond excited to have finally reached my destination. I quickly grabbed my luggage and made my way up to the front door anticipating the weekend adventures soon to come. Immediately, as I walked through the front door, I was graced with the usual greeting ritual from my friends including celebratory shouts and friends dancing as I entered the unit. Laughter filled the air as team certified baddies was back in action. With no time to spare I quickly claimed my corner side of the bed and my number in line for the shower. Let the festivities begin!
Today while going through an old computer I stumbled across some writings from high school and decided to share. The nostalgia that came along with looking back at old poems. I can remember the emotions I felt during this time which inspired these pieces. I clearly was going through something, ooh to be a young again.💕
My addiction
I\’m addicted to his swag
His style
His smile
I\’m loving the way he laughs
He keeps me on a natural high
Trust, the truth I will never hide
I love the way he thinks
His way of thought is new to me
Sexy in all ways
Beautiful is what I\’m called
That\’s how I begin my days
He treats me like a queen
Never disrespecting me
He\’s my addiction
Always causing me to give in
Positive energy is what I need
And yes that\’s what this new one gives to me
Sometimes friends….other times lovers….but no matter what the title is he remains my addiction.
Love
Once in love with my first
Remembering the day our eyes connected
One year and one month on the 25th
But a new love has entered that must be objected
So much in common since grade eight
Comfort it brings throughout my day
Laughter this love causes, so we relate
A crossroad I am faced with not knowing which way
My old love still loves the way I once did
If knowing my new feelings crushed it would be
One love, fare well I must bid
Old, new not sure which one is the one for me
Hello beautiful people!! So yesterday I asked one of the doctors I once worked with if he would be willing to write me a letter of recommendation for PA school. Anyone who knows me well knows I absolutely hate having to ask for a LOR. For some reason I always feel like I\’m a burden, but that\’s clearly my own hang-up I’m going to have to learn to get over. All week I had been gearing up to ask. Should I text or email, what should I say, how long should it be…. lol needless questions that caused me much anxiety. Anyway I finally sent the text and was ecstatic when he replied and said yes. Though, he did have a question for me
— Why did you go from Physician to PA to teaching to Public health, and back to PA?
I wasn’t expecting this question, but it got me thinking. The short response is I chose PA because I want to play an active role in reducing health disparities with marginalized groups, working primarily in primary care and substance abuse. However, this was not always my purpose and in fact my life has been a journey leading me to where God intends for me to be.
